Love is the most important thing for me. It has always been. Absolutely in a destructive way. Nothing else has never mattered unless there’s love. I have no difficulties being alone, it’s not about that, I just always have to believe that it’s out there. And if I’ve ever doubted it, it’s then my life has fallen down in this pitch black hole of nothingness. But also love is the one thing that has never turned out like I thought it would.
I’ve had a few lovers. And some of them really started out like they do in movies. All the romance, the butterflies and what I felt was never ending love. But as time went on, things got more difficult, and eventually we lost what I thought could never be lost. People I’ve met, and loved more than anything in the world I barely think of today. It’s almost like they’ve never existed. And it’s such a strange feeling when I start to think about it. I gave them my whole heart and now I don’t even know if they’re alive.
It’s the same in my current relationship, when we met years ago, we were so in love, and nothing else mattered. We did everything together and could barely spend a single night apart. He was on my lips constantly, and I never wanted anything more than I wanted him. Today we still live under the same roof, but I can’t even remember the last time he kissed me. Not like he meant it anyway. We don’t touch, and we barely even speak. We only exist next to each other. There is no love left. Nothing to work with. And I’m getting so desperate. I miss love. I miss the kissing, the touching and just being close to someone. Barely being able to contain yourself, because you’re the luckiest girl in the world. I need that feeling again so badly.
How come love, that we so desperately seek, always seem to end? Is there such a thing as true love? And if so, in who do we find it?