I’ve been sober for 14 days today and I am about to lose my mind. I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m so incredibly bored and unhappy right now. I know it’s probably just a phase of the whole getting sober thing, but I just want a fucking drink, man.
At work it’s fine, at least there I have something to do you know. It’s the weekends that are the problem. I’m just sitting at home with nothing to do. I’m reading, writing, watching movies. That’s it. Alone with my own thoughts, just trying to ride it out.
I’m not going to drink, even though I would really love to. But I want a different life for myself, so I am going to suck it up and be a good girl. I can’t wait for the day when I have saved up enough money to leave this place, to leave the temptation. I know it’s going to be really lonely, but honestly I’m really lonely right now too. All my friends are either big drinkers or addicts too, that’s basically how we all found each other. So I’m staying away from them, at least for now, because I know that if I see them, I’m going to fall right back. I’m in this by myself and it fucking sucks.
It’s been kinda quiet in here for a couple of days. I started this blog to have somewhere to write down my thoughts, and I told myself I would only write when I felt like it. No pressure. And right now I don’t really have anything to write about. Nothing is really happening. I’m used to always having a million thoughts in my head spinning around at the same time, but now it’s just empty. I feel absolutely nothing. And I think that’s what scares me the most, the nothingness, because I don’t know how to work with that. How do you work with nothing?