I woke up early today. To early actually, I’ll have to try to get a couple extra hours of sleep before work later tonight if I want to make myself at all useful. I got up a few hours ago and made myself some lunch and now I’m back in bed. I’m too tired to do anything right now. That’s probably the worst part with my insomnia, if I wake up, even if I just slept for an hour or two, I won’t be able to fall back asleep, no matter how tired I am. If I even fall asleep at all.

I honestly don’t know how that even works, and I’ve never really gotten any help with it. How is it possible to be so tired you can’t even keep your eyes open but still not fall asleep. It’s like my brain just never shuts down. I’d say the lack of sleep is what has kept me back from most things in life that I wanted to do. I’m just too tired. And not in a “I didn’t get enough sleep last night” kind of way. I’ve had trouble sleeping since I was a kid and I sleep maybe every other night, and never more than 5 hours, unless I’m sick or extremely beaten down. And I think it’s so frustrating because the obvious, I’m tired, but also that it is something I’ve been working really hard on for several years & seen multiple doctors about. I’ve tried absolutely everything and still nothing seems to work. My brain just won’t turn off.

Jesus Christ, I’m just complaining by now. Im sorry. I’ve just been trying to write this thing I wanted to talk about for the past hour and I just can’t seem to get it done. My mind is so foggy right now from the lack of sleep, I can’t find the words or express myself correctly. Maybe you can tell by this confusing post I don’t even know why I’m writing.

Ugh, I’m just gonna put my computer down and try to get some rest. Maybe I’ll finish my text tomorrow. Today’s just not it for me.