Lying to herself ‘cause her liquor’s top shelf

This will be my first sober weekend in a very long time. A Friday without a bottle of wine has never been an option before. I’m not looking forward to it. Not at all. I’m scared I’m going to get bored. Boredom is what always had me fall off the wagon. When I’m sober I get restless and anxious. Especially when all of my friends are drinking. It’s like an obsession, and I’ll convince myself “one vodka soda won’t hurt”. And it wouldn’t if it wasn’t for the ugly truth that it never just stops at one drink. It’s all or nothing. And when all of it is gone, I’ll be out chasing more. The fun never stops.

What gets me the most is the thought of never having a drink again. Being able to have a beer with a friend or a glass of wine on a date. I keep telling myself that one day, I will be able to drink responsibly. I just need to be sober for a while, maybe a couple of year tops? But of course, deep down, I know that is probably not the case. Maybe I’ll never be able to have a single sip again. Or maybe I will. All I can really do is try to accept that.

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